I have had a lot of free time over winter break to figure out what to do with my life now that I am finished with grad school. I didn't realize how much free time I would have. Not that I am complaining, it's great! But I started to feel lost. It's kinda hard to explain. I never knew what a goal oriented person I was. For example:
Goal #1 - finish college (1995-2000)
Goal #2 - teach for two years before deciding on grad school (2000-2003)
Goal #3 - finish grad school (2003-2004)
Those three goals took up basically the last 10 years of my life. Now during those 10 years I was mainly dating JW. I thought we would be engaged by now. WRONG. He is having major commitment issues. He is also wrapped up in finishing grad school, selling his business and preparing for the CPA (Which is great, I like a man with goals). He says he doesn't want to break up or date anyone else....huh.
In a perfect world my next goal was to plan a wedding. Seeing that I won't be doing that I started to panic! I moved home at 25 to complete my graduate degree. I am now 27 and still living at home. All my friends and my parents say that it is no big deal to be living at home. Even though I feel like a loser. My dad said that he would start charging me rent if it would make me feel better...ha ha dad! Financially, it would be in my best interest to stay home and finish paying off college debit and my car. And living at home is not bad at all but I just can't help feeling like a loser!
Ok. So I have decided to stay home at least through the rest of this school year. I can save money and pay off debit. As far as JW goes, who the hell knows. I can't even begin to think of dating someone else when I am still in love with JW. BUT my clock is ticking. What if I wait around for JW another year or two and he is still not ready. Then I would be 29 and have to start dating. I was hoping to start a family by 30. I feel like I have been backed into a corner. Having to put my life on hold for someone who may never "be ready". Oh, I just don't know what I am going to do!
I do have new goals. Keep in mind, they are not New Year's Resolution, they are goals. I don't do resolutions because I can never keep them. However, I always achieve my goals.
Goal #1 - finish paying off all debit (school, car) in 2 years or less
Goal #2 - lose weight gained while teaching and in grad school
Goal #3 - finish scrapbooking all of my pictures
Goal #4 - begin looking for new house after goal #1 is reached
Goal #5 - spend more time with friends
Goal #6 - read more books
I think that is it. Geeeez, that was a really long post!
12 years ago
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5 comments:
Hey Tiffany, about the guy thing...you need to sit him down and talk to him. Tell him exactly ..I mean exactly how you feel. Tell him straight out that your time is very precious and don't want to waist it if he feels different than you. And marriage doesn't get in the way of stuff going on in his life because you are already in his life and when you are married everything still seems the same as before anyway. You might as well be if it has been this long and are completely tied to each other. I remember after I got married everything was still the same. Nothing really changes exept your name. Ha Ha. And of course you change your address. I had to set Chris down and he finally understood. I knew it was coming because after the talk we went ring shopping. Girls have a really short "biological clock" too. He just needs his eyes opened up a bit and the only one who can do that is you. Hope that helps.
Maybe that's why I have a degree in Psych. Who knows..I could just be weird. I butt into everyone's business. Can't help it. I love to help.
I think I might have to take Steph's advice. She is not the first person to tell me that!
I have to agree. Not that I know your situation that well, but you need to have a real discussion with him. And sorry to say, if you really want to get married and have kids and he really doesn't, you might have to move on. With in the last year, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years who was in no hurry to move forward in any way and started dating my current boyfriend and have never been happier. So it's not like he is your last chance at marriage or happiness.
Thanks for your comments Rachel:)
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